The entire British nation was said to be in a state of shock this morning in the wake of last night’s leaked report from the police investigation into the affairs of MPs, which revealed that an MP may be honest.
A "close friend" of the Metropolitan Police told this reporter they are treating very seriously evidence that suggests a British MP may have colluded in a plot to destabilize the Parliamentary system by not fiddling his expenses. More staggering yet it would seem the investigation, delving further into the suspect MP’s affairs, has opened up a much larger can of worms than anyone expected in that the MP may in fact not have done anything wrong at all.
A spokesman said, "If true, these allegations present a sad day for the parliamentary system to which by long custom the British people have become…..er, accustomed. Everything we thought we knew about the Parliament, our belief in the shortcomings upon which we had come to rely, may have been rocked to their foundations. We may never recover from this body blow."
This reporter has come into possession of a photocopy of the leaked report. In the best traditions of condemning someone on scant evidence, I feel justified in naming and shaming the MP concerned. Jon Honestman, MP for Snoutintrough Junction not only failed to fiddle his expenses but also kept a closet completely bereft of skeletons, while at the same time conspiring to confuse the voters who elected him to office by deliberately keeping his word regarding the promises he made at the last election.
"We have reason the believe," said an insider, "That Mr Honestman also failed to keep a second home in London and examination of receipts proves that while in London to attend parliamentary sessions, he stayed many nights in a cheap Bed and Breakfast in Croydon where he "slept alone" and enjoyed a "cheap but cheerful fry-up" for breakfast, whereupon on no less than thirty out of fifty occasions he neglected to present receipts so as to reclaim the expenses of his "sojourn" in the suburbs. When quizzed about what he did with his evenings while alone in London and many miles away from his wife, he admitted to writing letters to his constituents so as to "answer queries" and "attend to their concerns."
These revelations have proven harrowing even for the hardened officers investigating the affair. Of the twenty man team detailed to dig deeper into "this farrago of wanton honesty" surrounding Mr Honestman’s affairs, eight have gone on extended sick leave due to "stress."
One, who did not wish to be named for reasons of complete embarrassment, said "In the end I just could not take any more. After hundreds of hours working on the case and turning up more and more evidence of nothing going on, the ugliness got too much even for me and I just lost it. I am now taking tranquillisers and receiving counselling."
The leader of Mt Honestman's party, Ted Devious, MP for Conniving in Wiltshire, told this reporter, "I think it is crucial at this stage that we all take a step back from the traditional conclusion jumping and let blind justice lead the blind out of the frying pan. But if the MP concerned didn't do what we all suspect he didn't do, then something will have to be done. My party takes a dim view of this kind of thing and if anyone has been looking the other way then it's time to look in another direction all together."
As this news reaches the public the expected outrage has been forthcoming. One ashen-faced resident of Mr Honestman’s Snoutintrough constituency stormed, "I can’t help but feel a coming forth of the expected outrage."
Another said, "I feel shaken and saddened by what has come to light. I think a lot of voters will share my feelings. Just when you think you know your Democracy pretty well, some clown comes along and throws you a complete curve. What are we supposed to think after this? How can we trust that whatever we are told is a lie from this point on?"
In Mr Honestman’s local pub, the Perk and Backhander, the sense of sadness and disappointment over his antics was palpable. A regular said, "We all thought we knew where we stood. We all thought we knew what to expect from our MP. While you never really know what they stand for or what their policies are, who cares? You at least have a shrewd idea of how much they are going to cost you. But now we don’t know what to think or whom to curse anymore. We’re all worried we may have to get our heads around political arguments and economics and stuff."
Another concurred, " I feel real let down and to think I voted for this character. I sincerely thought he was scum and I feel misled and more than a little betrayed. What would happen if all MPs behaved like that? Who would be left that the British people could feel superior to?"
The investigation continues.
Page 103 "Is Morality on the Rise? British society presents a worrying trend" by Hope Forusall
As this news reaches the public the expected outrage has been forthcoming. One ashen-faced resident of Mr Honestman’s Snoutintrough constituency stormed, "I can’t help but feel a coming forth of the expected outrage."
Another said, "I feel shaken and saddened by what has come to light. I think a lot of voters will share my feelings. Just when you think you know your Democracy pretty well, some clown comes along and throws you a complete curve. What are we supposed to think after this? How can we trust that whatever we are told is a lie from this point on?"
In Mr Honestman’s local pub, the Perk and Backhander, the sense of sadness and disappointment over his antics was palpable. A regular said, "We all thought we knew where we stood. We all thought we knew what to expect from our MP. While you never really know what they stand for or what their policies are, who cares? You at least have a shrewd idea of how much they are going to cost you. But now we don’t know what to think or whom to curse anymore. We’re all worried we may have to get our heads around political arguments and economics and stuff."
Another concurred, " I feel real let down and to think I voted for this character. I sincerely thought he was scum and I feel misled and more than a little betrayed. What would happen if all MPs behaved like that? Who would be left that the British people could feel superior to?"
The investigation continues.
Page 103 "Is Morality on the Rise? British society presents a worrying trend" by Hope Forusall
